axiomatic

But I wanted to find the hidden vampires.

I don’t know if I am going to be able to watch that particular season of American Horror Story.

I’m going to be needing some migraine drugs.

Gosh I love him. And if I met him, I don’t even know what I’d say except, “Gosh, I just love you. Let’s go take pictures together.”

I don’t understand people who include their email address in their email signature.

OK, I’d like to do this before I die, please and thank you. WOW.

“I don’t even remember that Canadian bobble head guy.”

Yeah, I don’t think “staycation” means what you think it means.

Well, OK, but I’m not an oral surgeon.

It’s too loud in here today. I can’t focus on a damn thing.

How do I still not have the Spock Barbie?

contrarian

Yeah, you don’t have to apologize for that. At all.

Scotch. Scotch would work. Or a hard cider maybe. Yeah.

OMG STOP TALKING!!!

Well. That was not on the agenda for today. Dammit.

Look. I don’t know how you can possibly expect me not to be bitter or resentful. That shit is 100% wrong. There is no other way to see it.

I don’t see any reason for you to be giving me errors every single time I use you, Adobe.

Why does everybody always seem to want to make me do absolutely everything twice?

I should have been an efficiency expert.

I’m rethinking this whole grad school thing. Seriously.

I had no idea David Duchovny was writing novels. Also I’ve been watching him in Aquarius on Netflix and he looks much better than he did in the new X-Files. I’m back to thinking he’s hot. Except that hair cut. That hair cut is not doing him any favors.

Oh good! This must be the part where the new person tells me how to do my job! My favorite!

I’m having border woes. Not that kind. The knitting kind.

Clearly I’m going to be needing this book.

Where does she even get that number?

New plan: Become an oligarch.

OMG STOP TALKING!!!

You’d think I’d’ve written more having had this thing open for two days. Instead I keep fielding curve balls.

Well. Good luck with that.

You know, you could have just said “on all of the entrances.” You should try to be more economical with your words.

I really should have shared a less embarrassing photo of me in that sweater. In retrospect.

Internet problems. Most unexpected.

Fine. I surrender. Whatever.

I have that stupid Thomas the Tank Engine theme stuck in my head.

Do do do do do do doooo doooooooo. Doodleoodledoo. Doodleoodledoo.