… the collision of standard shipping.

I’d rather have donuts than muffins, though.

There was really no need for a response to that.

New phone. Most unexpected. I’ll have you someday, Pixel! Someday!!!

Too much caffeine, or not enough?

Serial Killer Jesus

My knee is not happy with you at all.

This is an interesting read.

I like straws. I have sensitive teeth.

Aww! Good on you, Country Time!

Yeah, that’s not much of a statement.

I made it through that and I’ll make it through this.

Why is that funny to you?

Well it’s not a murder house.

Dude’s eyebrows always look like that. They’re weird, and when the light is angled just right, they look even more bizarre. But they aren’t falling off.

Why would I give a shit what books Sarah Jessica Parker wants me to read?

Happens all the time.

It’s always butt cheeks and nipples with you.

That’s precisely the problem with these kids today. All the intense beards.

gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh

THIS is why God invented Xanax.

That’s pretty hilarious.

I don’t need another tote bag, but I do love that one.

Ha. A lingering sense of doubt.

But it’s not in my pocket.

Been trying to find a new scent. To no avail.

Makes me want a chicken sandwich.

Pretty sure I definitely do not need the LinkedIn app, thanks.

My enthusiasm for Paul Holes has waned, just a bit. I’m good with that.

Don’t get me wrong, I do enjoy My Favorite Murder, but don’t you think it’s just the eensiest bit overrated?

Maybe I’ll just mix up my own scent. I’m in the mood for something with cardamom. I miss fall.

I’m not feeling especially enthusiastic about my lunch. Alas.

I don’t like the fingerprint pad in that location. It is counter intuitive.

It would have been just fine.

Same.

Who needs lunch, anyway, really?

Hey Amazon? I’m not a nurse. Why would you ever think I needed nurse related anything? Nothing in my purchase history could possibly have led you to believe that I needed a shot glass reading “nurses need shots too.”

The fire department was called for this? Seriously?

Why is she dressed like a prostitute?

This is a little ridiculous, people.

I especially like how you can’t see the price til checkout.

I feel a little bleah.

No, no, no, that’s the word.

What the hell is that about. Dude. You are awful.

There is just no escaping you, is there.

SOMETIMES it’s not a question.

huh

I should give up soda again.

Should is the operative word. But will I? Who can say?

What’s that you say?