This isn’t working.

Well. This should be a particularly special kind of Hell. Can’t wait.

I wish I were one of those people with really beautiful handwriting. I suppose if I dedicated time to it I could maybe get there.

It is not Stalin, lady. It’s Lenin.

Why did I did this?

I hate that I have to sit through so much progressive political bullshit in order to get to the information I’m actually after.

Mauled by a bear!

That is not at all why I want you to take your shoes off when you come into my house, dude.

I was trying to figure out how that giant ass horsefly got in here but it’s on the other side of the window.

“the horrible vice of pestiferous dancing” … ok then.

I thought that said “cloud laughing with rain”

Gahhhhh my handwriting is just the fucking worst.

Heavy metaphysical.

I admit I have a problem.

I want to be done with this.

It’s just a straight up lack of respect, that’s all. And I’m so tired of it.

That is not how that is spelled, ma’am.

But what does that mean?

Your songs are too long.

Water the plants.

Stop referring to everything as crucial, dude.

Seems like you ought to be addressing the crime problem rather than the not enough judges problem, but what do I know?

I’m. Wait. How many is this now? Crap.

On repeat.

You want love.

Google chats. Wow. Been a minute.

Actually, this laptop is the fucking worst.

I should probably eat something.

Why is this thing such a pain in the ass?

“The humor was … not ultimately serious.”

I beg your finest pardon, but it has been nothing BUT worries. ALL WORRIES OVER HERE, thank you very much.

When can I resign as chair? Pardon me, co-chair.

I totally legit thought you already had your PhD, dude.

I think most of my job duties have shifted so much that I should have a new title ad a new executive assistant should be hired.

“Lack of investigation into intervening variables.”

Why does everything have to be a flipping “journey”?

I cannot believe it took me this long to notice that typo.

Fine me on Teams because apparently I live there now.

I think after this I will shift my academic focus to demonology.

I prolly should

I’m gonna end up needing new knees. Fuck.

I want to know who talked.

I like the surface area of this desk, but I wish it were taller and also these drawers are dumb.

Oooh ice pack! I love you so.

“Right-coded.” FFS

That’s probably a terrible idea.

I probably should just quit.

How did I get logged out of this stupid thing?

Why does this confuse me every single time? It’s not that complicated. And yet it is confusing.

Two hundred dollars off is not enough hundreds of dollars off. So.

I didn’t forget though.

Oh shit. That is NOT what I meant to do. At all.

Curses!

sup.

It is really confusing to me that there are two Jon Favreaus now. What are the odds? I never know who anyone is talking about, and it’s never the Jon Favreau of 90s culture that I think it is.

But I did write things down though.

Did I even spell Favreau correctly? I guess who cares, really.

I think I just got every one of these questions wrong. Wow.

Why am I always so hunched over?

Do we need a designated influencer?

I’m gonna need some alone time on my lunch break, thanks very much.

I’m having a very difficult time actually listening to anything these people are saying this morning.

I probably should get a haircut.

I always talk about sleep because I always need to sleep.

I do not like this girl.

OMFG with this shit. I went to your stupid training and refused to sign your stupid pledge.

“I’m gonna force you all to pop corn … maybe like hot potato it.” OK then.

I don’t have any particular aspirations to becoming faculty. I would never land a faculty gig anyway.

I’m pretty sure I’m not gonna be doing a postdoc so …

What is the biggest obstacle? I am. I am my own biggest obstacle. I’m not proud of this, but at least I recognize that I am the problem.

“Everybody’s an expert in a very specific topic.” Like human composting.

Wow. That totally puts a dent in the tens of thousands of dollars worth of insurance premiums I have been forced to pay over the last few decades.

It’s the flag though.

What the hell am I even doing here?

Did I already ask that today?

Clearly I need music. Where the hell is my phone?

This is dumb.

Maybe I just need some protein.

Wow, that’s … selfish.

” … the habitually idle are put in cells where the water slowly rises as long as they are inactive.” Let that be a lesson to ye!

This proposal will fail and I will be miserable about it.

Huh. I thought there was something there already.

Why can’t I seem to make myself work on this project?

I should probably go take a walk in the woods and just keep going forever.

Love it so much when this shit crashes and I lose everything, despite saving.

I think it’s safe to say my problems all started when I gave up a steady diet of Camel Lights and Big Gulp Mountain Dews.

I could have sworn …

Is it going to rain again? If I take my walk will it start pouring on my head? History and luck suggest yes.

I just can’t see opera ever making my list, I’m afraid.

Why are my notifications all wonked lately?

It’s a little stuffy in here today.

Why even ask if you’re going to immediately dismiss the feedback you’re given?

Why am I even here?

I am going to die here. Clearly.

I could just disappear. What’s the worst thing that could happen?

Apparently it’s a theme.

I really don’t know why I keep forgetting that. Ridiculous.

CURSES!

Woah. Was not expecting to see my face in that email.

Roof pig!

Why am I perpetually back burnered while everything you want from me is a freaking emergency?

I wonder what life is like for people who are able to shrug everything off.

I almost had it.

Well, that’s one project done.

Man. I do NOT want to be sick.

What is “anti-flat butt technology” anyway?

Am I next? Bastards!

I should just hang it up.

Colloquium is a weird word.

I’m pretty sure I’m being punished for something.

I don’t know. If I were that wealthy, it might be worth it to pay to leave.

Why is everyone actually insane now?

No one is eating babies.

I hate it here.

Maybe this is why my stomach hurts all the time now. Again.

Everything is exacerbated.

Wait, how old am I now?

I never did watch any of those movies though.

I don’t know, I don’t think that kind of thing is something I would have enjoyed as a kid.

Why is the fucking heat still on in this building?

I am deeply miserable.

I started to log in, was immediately distracted by work, and promptly forgot.

Oh. It was my birthday. Not many people remembered, but that’s fine.

I definitely was not listening. I have no idea what you are talking about.

Well that was a spectacular waste of time.

What would happen, though, if I really did just quit.

What is the obsession with capers??

Steve!!

“the narcissistic cult of authenticity”

I am not a leader. I’m not a follower either. I’m more of a “I’ll be over here if you need me.”

I should find a photo.

This fucking up and down weather is killing my skull.

I am not doing anything I am supposed to be doing.

Pigs! In! Space!

I don’t know. It was fine.

Guess I passed.

Doesn’t matter what I think anyway. Clearly.

Costco pizza.

Let’s watch a rocket launch about it.

I think this cream has taken a turn toward the dark side. Ick.

That chick clearly does not care about a single living soul other than herself.

See also: sociopath.

Lyle Lovett! Most unexpected.

Sometimes being a supervisor is just straight up exhausting.

“And she’s immediately who came to my India.”

Uff da.

I don’t really get anything out of it so …

Why can’t you just read the form? All of the information is right there on the form.

Sheesh, Every single one of us has resting bitch face.

This particular form, which I did not create, is useless. Stupid postal service.

They’re attempting MIND CONTROL!

How do you get a GPA of 5?

Tornado warning!

This tornado loves you.

Holy

Maybe it should be Random Monday.

Next semester will be less nuts. Probably.

This isn’t Juliard, sweetie.

Um. That’s literally the job description.

Such convictions! Such assurance!

What????

I could not open that bottle. Jug. Thing.

These shoes are so creaky!

Why does my shin hurt?

Look at this tiny vacuum.

I cannot. I CANNOT.

Why do they insist on coming in sick??? Why do they think anyone else wants their germs?????

Can we just fire him?

Rejoice.

At least I am well-hydrated.

And there it is.

Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu

I just don’t think it’s unreasonable to want everything to NOT hurt all the time.

This should not have been this hard.

It’s all just getting away from me.

Again?

I hate it here.

What am I even going to do with so few people?

Huh. I do not hate the way I look in these photos.

I am trying not to hate it here.

Radically rethink it!

It’s going to be sparse. Maybe that’s for the best.

BATS

Look at this tiny desk vacuum.

Everything hurts. Everything.

What am I even doing here?

I don’t have to track your snacks!

I should just call in.

Why are you broken. Stupid thing. WORK!

UGGGGGGGGGGH I am so bloated.

I could really use like a 20 minute nap right now.

I do not know what to say to you.

Why do you hate me all of a sudden?

P.S. Fun fact …

His face looks like it was put on crooked.

Oooooh what’s that about?

Why am I even here?

It’ll be easier when I’m back in the office, miserable.

The Grandmother Hypothesis is a nice story that makes you feel better about aging I suppose, but I’m not sure it holds much water. It feels like another pat on the head for menopausal women, rather than actual help for menopausal women.

All of my favorite things get discontinued.

Argh. Answer the phone.

There is a gorram fly in here.

Maybe I’ll be able to kind of ease into it.

It’s just a job. It’s just a job.

“[P]rotecting the interests of women and girls requires the courage to challenge dominant narratives—even when they appear to carry the weight of consensus.”

I am a little surprised by the level of anxiety being here has induced.

Gotta defrost this giant hunk of ice that is my tiny tiny freezer in my tiny refrigerator in my tiny tiny tiny tiny tiny cubicle.

Maybe I should take a walk.

Completely unsurprised by your total lack of follow through.

Oh I like her!

“White House officials have had it with Laura Loomer.” Girl, literally everyone has had it with Laura Loomer.

It’s hilarious that y’all are suddenly concerned with the cognitive state of the president. You sure didn’t seem to give a shit when Biden was clearly unfit to serve because he could not form a coherent sentence.

Hypocrites. As ever.

Apathy.

OK for real I am seriously reconsidering my employment in this place today. What the actual fuck.

Well that’s convenient, isn’t it.

It’s like a refresher, you see.

De-identify it!

My stomach hurts.

How do you know if you’re having a nervous breakdown, though?

I really dig this author.

Why did I think this happy hour was a good idea? Oh right. It was a good idea. But nobody cares.

And this is why I make lists.

moral kiosk

What happened in Berlin?

“Imagine going back to the ’90s and explaining to someone that the big marketing controversy of 2025 was a hot young blonde selling jeans.”

I don’t even know what to do with this.

Well I hope I have better luck with this round.

Why did I did this?

So glad I’m not the only one who hates that guy.

Arrgh what is wrong with my tooth?

Well I would, but I don’t want to live in Colorado.

It’s because I left for an appointment and then utterly forgot about it.