I don’t think you need to be passive aggressive about it. Either knock it off or hit the road.

It’s sort of visceral, really.

That’s a cute little mushroom guy.

Well they used to make us work til 3 on Christmas Eve, so this is definitely a vast improvement.

Why is the Dumb Ways to Die song stuck in my head?

oh crap

I almost put my snow boots in the Monster Truck Called Ashley J Williams and then did not do it. It’s fine.

I can’t believe I keep forgetting the damn thing.

That is quite a lot of snow coming down out there.

effect affect

I think I’m hungry.

For the love of all things holy would you just STOP

I would never have known that was Dwight Yoakam.

How is it 11:55 already??

Woohoo! Halfway to solving this problem.

You must be in good standing.

Oh good. More snow.

Fuck. Well that’s my fault entirely,

Could you just read my paper please?

Esjus. The morning flew by and the afternoon is dragging ass.

When did I start reading that article? A week ago? A week and a half?

Well it’s only temporary.

metaphorical

The problem is that I feel an immediate sense of urgency to complete the work, while everyone around me has no sense of urgency whatsoever.

That just doesn’t seem right to me.

The first snowfall of the winter in my world is supposed to happen tonight/tomorrow.

So I guess we’re gonna get nuked by Russia now?

I’m not gonna joke about this other than to say GenX has been preparing for this our entire lives.

But holy fuck. I fucking hate these politicians.

OMG I cannot.

How is it 3:00 already?

I dunno, I was curious I guess.

Damn. I did not remember them sucking quite this much.

NPC

I’ll always love you, Billy Squier.

Well. There’s an hour and a half of my life that I should not have had to waste.

Full disclosure – I started this post a week ago. I don’t know why that matters. No one is reading it.

The plus to all the Black Friday emails is that it’s a good time to unsubscribe from most of them.

I said I would do it and I still managed to forget it.

“When the settlers finally stopped croaking …”

They didn’t like socialism in 1620 either.

It’s a cult!

Gobble gobble.

I don’t know

I don’t have time to knit anything that large.

I don’t even remember writing any of the stuff on that page. It must have been in June.

Somethin’ weird goin’ on there …

Maybe you should behave nicer so I don’t always have to be the bigger person.

shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit

Swiper no

I don’t think Trump should bail her out. She should have to fork over that 20 mil out of her own pocket.

“There’s something going on that we’re missing.”

I don’t think this is an emergency.

I submitted comments. No one will care.

I’m not sure I’d qualify that as academic freedom.

I am so far behind. So. Very. Far.

How is it even possible for a calendar to be this full?

I want the record to show

Shit. There was entirely too much going on today.

I can knit a hat though. That’s simple.

This campus needs a director of spiritual wellness and that director needs to be me.

Um. Who do you think is going to pay that membership fee, lady? You make WAY more money than the rest of us.

Penguin cookies!

Dued. You can’t put that spoon back in the drawer after fondling it for 10 minutes. Come on.

I want like 78% of the clothes on their website. Why am I not disgustingly wealthy?

Mistakes were made.

I don’t have subtitles.

I just really do not like that girl.

Why don’t you just print it out then?

Look, sometimes, any light is too much light.

Dammit Spotify!

Why did I did this?

I give up.

Wait. Did I do that last week?

It’s just the migraine speaking.

Probably.

Woah-man

That’s just not cool.

Shaman Jesus

Spicy Skulls are my fave

Thursday’s fine.

“Why do I piss off so many people?” I don’t know, Helen. I ask myself that very question all the time.

I think I already mentioned that.

I don’t need you to like me, but I wouldn’t mind knowing precisely why you don’t like me. Just to satisfy my own curiosity.

Well I would have voted early if I trusted you.

That woman was super shady.

But the fries are amazing.

I hesitate to speculate.

Lady, it is not my fault that this happened. I’m 18 freaking miles away from that whole situation.

I’m not not gloating.

Man. It’s unbelievably hard not to react to your “friends” who are spewing such nastiness about women who voted for Trump. God forbid I should have legitimate reasons for not voting for that nimrod Harris.

ARGH I think there is something in my eye. Or my contact is torn. I don’t know. But it hurts.

I don’t have much to say I guess. I know that’s shocking.

I’m just going to enjoy this for a while.

swim. until you can’t see land. swim.

I don’t have to

Maybe I shouldn’t have resurrected this.

I’m not surprised, but it makes me sad.

It’s a metaphorical punch in the mouth, which isn’t quite as satisfying probably.

Why hello, little Butterfinger.

fuuuuuuuuuuuck my head hurts

I guess my feelings aren’t really hurt about it, so whatevs.

I’m so distractable lately. I need focus SOMEBODY GIVE ME SOME FOCUS.

I want apple pie!

Well I did have to retype the whole bloody thing, there was no copy pasta happening.

But do you really even know what that means?

Why do I always have to be the bigger person? I have no patience left.

I can’t believe I drank all that water already.

are you a man or’re you a bag of sand?

Red is the only one reading this.

This meeting is so devoid of substance it wouldn’t even have merited an email.

Why don’t people hyphenate their phone numbers when they add them to forms anymore? Do you understand how hard that is to read when you’re trying to call someone?

I keep reading that as The Vagaries of Religious Experience instead of The Varieties of … I have no idea why.

Man. I hate it when they have to remote in to my machine.

REGULAR JEN

Oh, right. Nearly forgot.

Daily tarot journaling??

That seems a tad shady, but what do I know?

“housekeeper’s anxiety” I definitely have that. Have you seen my house?

It’s not actually my job to drag you across the finish line. That’s on you.

Yeah this hair stuff is kinda bomb.

How would gen z put it? Elite? Is that a gen z slang?

You’ve heard of Hot Pockets, try Hot Flashes!

siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh

I could be a Registrar.

easy peasy

moar aggro squats

Totally lost my focus. Dammit.

I would like some rain, of course, obviously, but not necessarily while I am out for tricks or treats, thank you very much.

Apparently you only brought crunchy food to eat today. Awesome.

help

Aggravated battery with a can o’ corn.

This paper will be the literal death of me.

OK fine, I’m a Post Malone fan. So what?

The Tsunami ghosts are my favorite ghostly phenomenon.

How did it

ARRRRGH Daylight Saving bullshit.

4 day weekends are the way to go.

Why are trees so bloody expensive?

Shut up, another new word!

Red Sunset maples are out of stock.

Gotta say, as a life-long Michigander, I’d really prefer the entire country not be made to resemble Detroit.

They really do miss a lot of typos in these books.

” … it is divine healing power that mades them effective.”

I’m so happy it’s apple season. The apples are so much better.

Maybe I should be a demonologist.

I received ELEVEN emails soliciting my money and vote for Harris/Walz yesterday. ELEVEN. Fucking harassment. If I ever find out who put me on this list, there will be hell to pay.

Haven’t had a single Trump email in recent memory. For the record.

mmmmwafflesmmmmmm

When was the last time I had a waffle? I should have some waffles.

I think my gum is dead.

Everything tastes weird today.

See, I’m out of practice and the whole entire day got away from me.

I think these flowers are dead.

What fresh hells await.

Oh I already told you that. Never mind.

It really is the most jentober thing ever.

“Your profile has 7 views!” Oh really? Did any of those views result in an amazing job offer? No? Then who fucking cares?

Shit, did I take it or did I forget again?

I probably need one of those red light face thingies.

Holy shit that hurts.

Ope. Apparently my subconscious says we’re done for the day.

Aggrosquats.

Nosferatu live!

Another frigging knot! Curses!

Brush yo teeth, brush yo teeth …

Tick season can be over any time now. Esjus.

Such a mess. It’ll have to wait.

Gonna need to add that book to the library.

I don’t really –

Don’t call it a comeback.

I have two separate Random drafts, the oldest one dating back to October 2020. Now it’s October 2024.

I’m snagging bits from each and putting them here. Red thinks Random should be revived. That’s a lot of Rs. Alliteration has always made me happy.

It’s funny because I logged in looking for something I’d written, and I got to reading other things, and here I am. I haven’t posted since October. I don’t know if I’ll post again. I don’t know if anyone will even read it. But I felt compelled.

Still would rather not work at all at this point.

I need a nap. Typical.

I need to copy everything off this blog and shut it down. I don’t know the best way to do that really.

I can’t believe you’re even still reading this. You’re probably not. You’ve probably wandered off by now.

I actually meant to say remembrance card.

Mesmerism!

I really am not terribly fond of this linen yarn. Maybe it’ll soften up upon blocking. Actually I don’t love the cotton either. How did I end up with this combination??

Can I Random without being political?

I should be focusing on the substack, not this. *ahem*

Perimenopause is a bitch from hell.

I wasn’t *that* full of bourbon. I only had the one. It was beautiful though.

“He lacked a vocabulary with which to communicate the paranormal features of mesmeric cure.”

There’s a gorram fly in here.

The Geekery is in desperate need of a dust rag.

Oh. Then I guess I did know that already. Always second guessing myself. I should stop that.

Collywobble. Cobweb.

“… cult of the power of positive thinking[!]”

Oooh I learned a new word!

I so love waking up with a migraine that just hangs around my frontal lobe all frigging day.

ARGGGHHHHH WHYYYYYYYY I just got this sweatshirt this year, dammit!

I, myself, would very much like to mastermind a financial coup …

297 days in a row.

My my would you look at the time.

Here we go I guess.

I don’t care who you are or what you think of ACB, this shit is impressive.

For those among you who were perplexed by my self exam comment in the previous post – I was referring to the perpetually preached self BREAST exams. Not a self pelvic exam. Jesus.

So. Essentially all this scale says is, the older you get, the more likely you are to die.

That’s OK. I didn’t want to sit with you anyway.

OMG Charles in Charge!

This is the kind of thing that happens when you live in a city.

Well. I regret wasting my time on that one.

What a tool.

Um. It isn’t Trump’s fault your bar is closed, dude. It’s Whitmer’s.

These meds make my voice go raspy.

My SPAM right now is all silver singles and Lindsay Graham. WTF.

That bat would be cuter if it looked less like a cat and more like a, you know, bat. 

The phrase change agent cracks me up because it sounds so 21st century bullshitty.

“Knowing that a large, multinational publishing company feels something “deeply” is always reassuring.” This cracked me up.

Stop making the world a worse place to be. Remember back in the 90s when we were all “mean people suck!” No? Refresh your memories. You’re kinda starting to suck.

Viewpoint Diversity is the hill I’m gonna die on, chickens.

I have a paper due in 6 days that I already know I won’t get full credit on, which means I’m extra unmotivated to write it. I just do. not. care.

I don’t get the whole Wu Tang thing.

I think this is the first Five Finger Death Punch song I’ve ever heard. Gotta say, it’s workin’ for me.

Maybe part of it is the video …

Man. I’m glad I’m not paying for this shit.

Super over Team America World Police. Bring our troops and our money home now. The rest of the world can fend for itself for a change.

I can do a great many things very well, but fraction problems in math are not among them.

“What could possibly go wrong?” I appreciate Coleman Hughes’ perspective on many things.

I love how suddenly half the country is pretending they don’t know what a coyote is.

Don’t know what all this anxiety is about today, but my stomach is pretty unhappy about it.

I totally do not remember that song being 10 minutes long.

sweet baby, i need

At least the coyote memes have been entertaining.

Oops.

Look. Just say no. It’s not hard. You don’t have to vote for this lunacy.

I visited The Strand when I went to New York, because of course any reader would. Deep in the bowels of the basement I stumbled across a shelf with several Ayn Rand choices and was, frankly, shocked to see them. But of course, bookstores, politicians, your pain in the arse neighbor are too willfully obtuse to see that there is more than one way to view the world.

Jesus. I cannot.

Y’all ought to be ashamed of yourselves. Disgusting.

“The only way out of this trap is to view people as individuals.” Which is precisely what I’ve been saying for years. It’s what I say every time I discuss cultural responsiveness (which is a lot, because my entire MA is kind of predicated on it). Stop this regressive madness.

OK. That’s enough now.

These social distancing photos are getting boring. Here’s some Halloween love because it’s JENTOBER!!!!

A special message from a band I like? Is it about voting?? Gosh I sure hope it’s about voting!

Seems like after a while, any idiot beating their head against a wall might start to think “ouch.”

I said two thousand twenty twenty by mistake. But honestly.

How are any of you OK with this? ANY of this??

Interesting. 40.2% of Michiganders are gun owners. pew pew

If there is one thing we can all agree on in these trying times, it’s that Ibram Kendi and Robin DiAngelo are  both racist dicks.

This is hilarious.

Everybody dies.

I am no longer used to long staff meetings. This one is feeling particularly tortuous.

Wow, I haven’t touched Dreamweaver in years.

I can assure you, once again, that if I don’t like a politician, it has absolutely nothing to do with their gender, and absolutely everything to do with their policies.

I don’t find Henry Cavill attractive.

Huh. I. Huh.

I need a nap. Or probably I should take my don’t fall asleep meds.

Maybe some music would help.

Holy shit you guys.

This is the least number of tabs I’ve had open since the beginning of the semester.

Why is my nose running?

Our students seem to call everybody who teaches “Dr.” whether they have a PhD or not. I’ve even been called Dr. and at the time, I didn’t even have a Master’s. … Of course I still don’t have a Master’s but only til December.

I totally forgot the Barenaked Ladies even existed.

This is hysterical, and accurate, but I still love Mumford and Sons.

“How are we to know why democracy is good without historical examples? How are we to know the limits of democracy without historical examples? How are we to understand and appreciate the notion of individual rights without historical examples? How are we to understand that democracy and individual rights are not the same but are, in fact, in tension with each other, without historical examples?”

Yes, I am listening to Semisonic. Don’t judge me.

Why does my arm hurt.

I don’t think this is happening today.

I should compile every Random in one volume and take this site down for good. That’s like 400+ Randoms on your bookshelf. You could pull it down at random intervals and randomly select pages.

I’d rather get texts from Kevin Costner than Misha Collins.

Look. I was going to try to post today, but it just didn’t work out. I’ll try again tomorrow.

If you don’t understand why these court decisions were exactly the right decisions, then I don’t know. Maybe move to North Korea or something. You might feel more comfortable there.

It’s not like this shit is easy for me either.

OFFS. Fucking idiots.

Mike Pence didn’t do anything in that debate with Harris that he wouldn’t have done in a debate with a man. Stop pretending Harris is a victim. Stop infantilizing women with this bullshit. It’s disgusting.

WTAF, Michigan. The rampant stupidity is starting to get a little embarrassing.

Well. Let’s shoot for Friday, shall we?

Stop telling me we’re all in this together. We are not.

Can you still call them “alleged” views if you’re sharing video of him actually espousing said views? Everything you don’t like is not Hitler. It’s not Trump. It’s not alt-right. It’s not even slightly right. Stop ignoring truth in order to progress your narrative.

Also don’t fucking plot to kidnap people, that’s just shitty.

If his jacket covers it, it’s no longer considered openly carried. It’s considered concealed, so unless he has a CPL/CCW, he would technically be breaking the law.

I don’t know the first thing about transplanting a hydrangea.

Well. That works.

There’s a midterm next week and I have absolutely no earthly idea WTF it’s on.

Suddenly we’ve become a country obsessed with safety. We’re becoming fragile. Brittle. Breakable.

“To suggest the necessity of a Bill of Rights amounted to implying that the people, through their elected representatives, would destroy their own liberties.” Well, yeah.

True of false?

I should have had a lot more children.

I could have happily gone my whole life without seeing naked self righteous celebrities explain mail in voting to me as if I were a 5 year old. First of all, get fucked. Second, this shit isn’t that hard. Third, I don’t trust anyone, I’ll vote in person, thank you very much.

Any day a staff meeting is canceled is a good day, by golly.

The thing is, literally no one “celebrates” Columbus Day. So calm down, ma’am.

Oh suddenly Amanda Palmer is a death expert. JEEESus with this woman.

Fuck it. I got a thing.

I wear my Chucks a lot in the summer.

I totally need a new pair of Chucks.

Such weird non-sequitur emails. It always takes me a minute to decipher what the hell she’s talking about.

I’m going to get canceled, amn’t I?

It doesn’t matter how many actual notifications I have. The number is always 20. The number used to always be 13. I liked the 13 better. Interestingly, notifications are turned off. You’re really knocking it out of the park, Microsoft.

I should have been a park ranger.

Guess whose campaign doesn’t give a flying … how many times you ask them to stop texting you because how did they get your phone number in the first place? Jon Hoadley’s campaign, that’s who. Don’t vote for Jon Hoadley. He doesn’t actually care what you want.

Quite probably the only person you know with three and a half sheets of postcard stamps on hand.

I just realized my textbook smells like patchouli and I’m trying to decide if it’s from me or the previous owner.

“They think rich people got to the 7-Eleven first and gobbled all the Ding Dongs, leaving poor people to lick the plastic wrappers.”

I thought that said German subculture. It did not.

The mosquitoes haven’t even been that bad this year.

I really hate it when I can’t read my own handwriting.

I wonder if Big Gretch has heard about this yet. Who wants to tell her?

I just accidentally clicked on an “affordable dentures” ad and now my algorithm’s about to get even weirder.

It is also OK NOT to dose yourself with massive levels of cancer causing radiation annually to have your boobs squished.

And actually, my GYN said stop giving yourself exams too, because you don’t know what you’re doing.

I don’t need you to protect me from content, Spotify, you liberal nanny state suck up bitch.

Wait. Wee Willy Winky is a creepy goddamn story.

The longer I work on this paper, the further away from the computer my chair gets so that by the end I’m bent almost in half to type. And this happens every time I write a paper.

This is pretty fucking outstanding.

“The deification of 9 fallible human beings just because they wear black robes is gross.”
“It’s not just gross, it’s dangerous.”

RBG was not a god. Stop behaving as if she were.

And please, PLEASE, stop acting like you wouldn’t be pushing a nominee through as quickly as possible if the situation were reversed.

I think it was the 5 minute alphabetical alliteration opening of that episode of Letterkenny when I finally started to actually enjoy that show.

“Republican presidents now only nominate deeply conservative judges.” Where do they get this stuff??

Even if a Republican POTUS thinks he’s nominating a “deeply conservative judge,” more often than not, that judge ends up being pretty centrist, because more often than not, SCOTUS judges actually do care more about upholding the Constitution than about the agenda of whomever is in office. Not always, but usually.

SCOTUS has made some pretty sketchy rulings.

New one for the list – it’s a marathon, not a sprint.

Gorram VPN.

re-relected.

Y’all have got to know how stupid you look posting videos of yourselves screeching about shit in your car. I mean how can you not?

Hey. I’m just sitting here eating my bowl of Count Chocula. I am not with them.

According to the Social Security Administration, I shall live to be 88.6 years old. I don’t really have any feelings one way or the other about that. Except maybe I’d like some grandchildren.

Prolly still be able to take care of my own chin hairs at 88. That’s not that old.

Well. I think that’s enough of that then.